When Your dread Drives You to Sabotage Your Relationships
If you have been wishing for quite some time now to have a stable, successful, satisfying relationship but are finding yourself time and again with the atrocious partners and in unsatisfying relationships, what does it mean? Could it really be that “all these men” or “all these women” are no apt?
The fact is, however, that often it is your apprehension which harms your attempts at relationships. It works against you as you try to secure a partner and perform a successful intimacy. It boomerangs at you and sabotages your attempts: You might jump into relationships which are not valid for you driven by awe about the prospects of being alone; fright regarding what it says about you if you are single; horror about getting older without a partner, and so on and so forth.
Your fright, therefore, controls you and drives you to enter into relationships which are not healthy for you with partners which are not obliging for you. The shaded fragment is, that even if it happens to you time and again, you continue to “tumble into the trap” of such relationships and such partners.
The ask therefore is: what drives you to ignore warning-signs and hints which say to you “cessation!”; “Don’t!”, “Be Careful!”; “Don’t do it to yourself!”, and so on?
You are supposed to be alert to such warning signs and hints from your previous failed relationships; you are supposed to pay attention to signs that you are getting early-on at the early beginning of a current relationship; you are supposed to be watchful for hints which are so definite, hints which are actually not modern to you, since you have encountered them already in the past (such as: this person it too controlling; this one only wants to have sex and leave; this person is too abominable and wants to grasp advantage of you; this person is to dependent and will become too clinging, and so on) .
You know, from your past experiences, that the fate of a relationship with such a person is doomed to fail. But once again you “give it a chance”; once again you view “a potential” in this person; once again you inform yourself “maybe this time it will work”. Once again you decide to ignore all warning signs and hints.
And once again you collect disappointed, frustrated, finding yourself abandoned and alone.
Why do you ignore warning signs and hints which you must know by heart by now?
Because your alarm exerts more power on you than the signs and hints. They cause you to ignore your intuition and to “forget” past failed relationships even when deep-down you feel and “know” that the current person you have honest dated and the relationship you might build with him/her are not for you!
Driven by your scare and refusing to pay attention to the warning signs and the hints, you might be telling yourself: “It is better to have someone who is not really for me than no-one at all”; “It is better to be in an unsatisfying relationship than not having one at all”.
But the compromises that you do then “allow” yourself often lead you to finding yourself once again alone, frustrated, tending to jump factual with the next person who blinks at you!
And the cycle continues.
How can you rupture this cycle?
How can you obtain up the courage (and the wisdom) to combat your fear? How can you become able to respond the warning signs and the hints, to mediate twice before you jump once again to be with a person which you know isn’t for you?
Combating your fear means, you cope with it rather than letting it control you: You respond the fact that it drives you into unhealthy and self-sabotaging relationships. When you admit and regain this realization, you are one step ahead to control your terror and exert your power over it.
What does it grasp to control your horror?
Learning to control you horror involves learning to say “no”; to be lawful to yourself; to not “be there for others” impartial for the sake of receiving treasure or not be rejected. To not jump to be with whoever blinks at you and correct away try to make a relationship with this person.
Controlling your scare opens for you choices about who to date, who to make a relationship with and what type of a relationship you beget. It gives you choices about how to live your life.
These raise up your self-esteem, give you a better sense of “who you are” and develop you feel happier about the status you are in – whether single or in a relationship.
Gaining self-respect and becoming empowered
As you combat your dismay you will realize that nothing disastrous happens (if you don’t have a partner and a relationship; if you choose to leave an unsatisfying relationship; if you don’t jump to be with whomever who blinks at you) .
Combating your terror enables you to feel empowered and selective about the people you determine to go out with. To feel sterling about being strong and not “needy” (like you might have been in the past) . To delight in yourself more and become able to (finally) manufacture and bear a successful and healthy relationship.
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